Speeding Cell Phone Rant
11-2-00
My friend Dwayne just called me from the road. And yes, as a matter of fact, he WAS driving while talking on his cell phone, and NO, I don't have a problem with it, as I do it all the time. If you tell me I can't talk on the phone and drive, then I don't want to see any more applying lipstick, or adjusting the radio knobs, or changing tapes or CD's, or eating McDonald's either. I can drive just as safely while talking on my cell phone as I can steering with one knee while I unwrap my cheeseburger, so GET OFF ME!! Ok, now, anyway, Dwayne calls, and he is complaining cause a police officer has pulled on to the Interstate, and is driving 55 mph in the fast lane, and all these idiots are slowing down, not wanting to pass the nice police officer. I too, hate when that happens. Dwayne did as I do, and boldly went right by at 65, causing other lemmings to follow suit. Meanwhile, some people are still not wanting to pass the cop, and they are in the middle and slow lanes, and what do we have here? Congestion! That's right, and this is what causes accidents friends. It's not the speed so much as the various different speeds on the Interstate. If everyone would just truck along at 80, we'd have no problems, but you get these people that want to go a little under, then others go a little over, then somebody tries to change lanes, and there we go. Oh, and let's not forget the people that think they should slow down to let in the merging traffic from the onramp. I can NOT stand to be driving with my cruise control set at 65 (sure, really) and be in the slow lane, and then have someone brake to let someone merge. Hey, if they are coming off the ramp, it's THEIR job to speed up and work in. You don't put on your brakes on the Interstate! Fools! Then I have to hit my brakes, and what if I'm in the middle of switching my CD, or eating my fries, or talking on my phone? Boom! Accident. And it's blamed on the cellphone, or the fries, or something, when in fact it is because someone was trying to let someone merge. And this my friend is how statistics get smudged. And see, the cop knows it too, and if he can cause some accidents, he shows that speed kills, and he gets a little more in the budget for next year, so he can get some new hubcaps for the cruiser. So, don't let them use you. Don't fall for it. When you see a police car driving slow and cautious, don't be afraid to just gun it and whip by that sucker. Not only is it the safest thing to do, but it will save us taxpayers some cash. Yay for us.
My friend Dwayne just called me from the road. And yes, as a matter of fact, he WAS driving while talking on his cell phone, and NO, I don't have a problem with it, as I do it all the time. If you tell me I can't talk on the phone and drive, then I don't want to see any more applying lipstick, or adjusting the radio knobs, or changing tapes or CD's, or eating McDonald's either. I can drive just as safely while talking on my cell phone as I can steering with one knee while I unwrap my cheeseburger, so GET OFF ME!! Ok, now, anyway, Dwayne calls, and he is complaining cause a police officer has pulled on to the Interstate, and is driving 55 mph in the fast lane, and all these idiots are slowing down, not wanting to pass the nice police officer. I too, hate when that happens. Dwayne did as I do, and boldly went right by at 65, causing other lemmings to follow suit. Meanwhile, some people are still not wanting to pass the cop, and they are in the middle and slow lanes, and what do we have here? Congestion! That's right, and this is what causes accidents friends. It's not the speed so much as the various different speeds on the Interstate. If everyone would just truck along at 80, we'd have no problems, but you get these people that want to go a little under, then others go a little over, then somebody tries to change lanes, and there we go. Oh, and let's not forget the people that think they should slow down to let in the merging traffic from the onramp. I can NOT stand to be driving with my cruise control set at 65 (sure, really) and be in the slow lane, and then have someone brake to let someone merge. Hey, if they are coming off the ramp, it's THEIR job to speed up and work in. You don't put on your brakes on the Interstate! Fools! Then I have to hit my brakes, and what if I'm in the middle of switching my CD, or eating my fries, or talking on my phone? Boom! Accident. And it's blamed on the cellphone, or the fries, or something, when in fact it is because someone was trying to let someone merge. And this my friend is how statistics get smudged. And see, the cop knows it too, and if he can cause some accidents, he shows that speed kills, and he gets a little more in the budget for next year, so he can get some new hubcaps for the cruiser. So, don't let them use you. Don't fall for it. When you see a police car driving slow and cautious, don't be afraid to just gun it and whip by that sucker. Not only is it the safest thing to do, but it will save us taxpayers some cash. Yay for us.