Trippy D's Extravaganza

4-14-01 Well, last weekend we went out to the big Lowe's Hardware store at 291 and 40 Hiway in Independence. It was the first Saturday they were open. Can't resist. The place was packed. People with trucks were parking over in the grass. What is it about new stores opening that seem like an old time small town church revival? Is this what we've come to in Suburbia? Instead of being drawn to a fire and brimstone, charm-filled, fancy dressed preacher screaming about "Gaahawed and Jeeesuhs" and everlasting light, we are now beckoned by sparkling new roto-tillers and wallpaper and pear trees and toilets and ceiling fans and tools, my word, the tools. Everyone knows you only need three tools. A hammer, a saw and a screwdriver. That's it. Everything else is just a fancier way of hammering or sawing or screwdriving. Think about it. By all accounts a Hardware store should be about the size of a large living room. The three tools, some plumbing accessories, a paint br...

3-22-01 I swear if I ever kill someone it will be in a movie theater. I went to see Traffic tonight and I had the luck to sit behind these four people who decided Traffic was not good enough alone, but indeed, needed their running commentary. I'm not sure if their commentary will show up on the Director's cut of the DVD, but for your sake I certainly hope so. Wouldn't want you to miss any of the intelligent banter. See, the problem, as I have stated several times before, is that people have the mistaken idea that they are at home, in their living room, surrounded by an audience just WAITING to hear what interesting things they have to say during the movie. Also, I'm sure they think the rest of us can simply hit pause or rewind to catch what we missed while they attempted to entertain us. Is this a 15 minute fame thing? Where is this attitude coming from? This guy tonight seemed as if he was there to enlighten everyone and show us all what an interesting person he was. ...

2-15-01 Ok, well, we all just survived another Valentine's Day, but I have to admit, it got me thinking. There were a few poor souls who may have had a rough time of it. Yes, of course, I'm talking about all the celebrities who broke up fairly recently. Can't remember them all? My pleasure. There was Melissa Etheridge and Julie Cypher, Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger, Janet Jackson and that DeBarge fellow, Ellen Degeneres and Anne Heche, Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid, Puffy and Jennifer Lopez, and Tom and Nicole. Hell, even Hugh Hefner broke up with his wife just a year or so ago. Of course, now he has like, seven girlfriends who ALL sleep in the same bed with him, so I don't know, that's sort of different. And you know, some of these couples really really seemed like they would work. I mean, maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic, because I really thought Liz Taylor and that construction worker guy had a chance, and that didn't work out, but I don't know, I'...

1-29-01 I watched the Super Bowl yesterday. Actually, I read the paper and worked on my taxes during the game itself. I really just watched to catch the cool commercials and the MTV halftime show. I know, that is sort of like saying I only read Playboy for the articles, but it's true. Amazing, I wasn't really sure who was playing, didn't know any of the players, and was surprised to find some who I could have swore were members of other teams last time I paid attention. You see, I am the most fickle of fair weather fans. If my team, The Chiefs, are having a good, winning season, well then call me Mr. Football. If not, I don't even like to wear my Chiefs sweatshirt at any time during that particular winter. A few years back I played Fantasy Football, and that was pretty cool. It actually made me pay attention to the teams, and who was playing where, and how they were doing. I was genuinely interested in the sport. (There was money involved.) Also, I used to get in th...

11-2-00 My friend Dwayne just called me from the road. And yes, as a matter of fact, he WAS driving while talking on his cell phone, and NO, I don't have a problem with it, as I do it all the time. If you tell me I can't talk on the phone and drive, then I don't want to see any more applying lipstick, or adjusting the radio knobs, or changing tapes or CD's, or eating McDonald's either. I can drive just as safely while talking on my cell phone as I can steering with one knee while I unwrap my cheeseburger, so GET OFF ME!! Ok, now, anyway, Dwayne calls, and he is complaining cause a police officer has pulled on to the Interstate, and is driving 55 mph in the fast lane, and all these idiots are slowing down, not wanting to pass the nice police officer. I too, hate when that happens. Dwayne did as I do, and boldly went right by at 65, causing other lemmings to follow suit. Meanwhile, some people are still not wanting to pass the cop, and they are in the middle an...

9-21-00 I just watched a report on some Dateline/60 Minutes/20-20 type of show. It seems - and friends, now hang on to something, cause this may shock you, but apparently it just MAY be dangerous to jump on one of those back yard Trampolines. NO SHIT! Come on! Some kid has actually filed suit against a manufacturer because he was not really familiar with this trampoline and how to use it (hmmmmmmmmmm) and it seems he was bouncing, and got near the edge and damned if the thing didn't bounce his ass off on to the ground, causing him physical damage. Truthfully I just find this hard to believe (he says sarcastically) because I can't imagine that the mere act of jumping up and down on a large round piece of canvas attached to some flimsy metal contraption four feet off the ground with, oh, I don't know 50 or so SPRINGS would ever, ever cause a person to be propelled off on to the ground. Am I missing something here? Isn't this about like smokers suing tobacco compan...

The Trippy D Rant Disclaimer: The outlandish opinions and views contained heretofore within are not necessarily yours, nor are they at all times entirely derived from beliefs held by anyone now known or formerly known to be living, either currently or previously on this planet or any others, including but at times also excluding the author, as well as any other authors plagiarized or basically misquoted by the author or agents working for, by, or under the direction of the author. Reading these views may or may not cause diarrhea, shortage of breath, orgasm, wild mood-swings, and the ability to create live-action creatures using only soap and some sort of eating utensil recently warmed by sunlight passed through a magnifying glass, or at the lack of thus some other hot thing, like a match that has been struck and is emitting a flame. Warning: Dogs in the vicinity of you, within a 50-foot range will experience very little stress as a direct result of these opinions, but the h...

September 2000 Tell me why in the world I just saw a Handicap Spot at Sonic? You pull in, stay in your car, the waitress comes out, brings your stuff. You never have to leave your seat. Isn't EVERY spot at Sonic a Handicap spot. Just wondering. And speaking of Fast Food Joints, what's the deal with the condiments? They won't give you any ketchup unless you ask, I suppose so they can save money, but then when you DO ask, they give you like 27 packets. You have one medium load of fries, and they just gave you the total allotment for an hour's worth of customers. Not saving a lot there are they? And napkins? Come on! You have 5 people in the car, all of you with salt drenched fries and greasy burgers, and you dig through the bag, handing everyone their stuff and then at the bottom, what do you have? Two napkins. Hmmm, don't tell me these high school kids aren't learning any math skills. August 2000 Why do I get a "Permanent Voter ID Card" in the...

Random, Old Rants. Have fun. 10-30-00 Question. I know Hypocrites are everywhere, I mean, Hell, you're one, aren't you? Ha! I know I am. Now, you probably KNOW where I stand on the following issues, and I'm not really making a case here for any one particular thing, but instead am trying to point out how stupid and hypocritical we ALL are, even me. That said, what do you make of this? The same people who say you should not be allowed to choose an abortion say you SHOULD be allowed to just get a gun anytime, anyplace and walk around with it on your hip, if you so CHOOSE, and oh, you don't need no stinking license, either. Oh, and they defend the death penalty. Don't kill 'em before they're born, they say, we'll get 'em once they grow up. Then, you have the people who say, you SHOULD be allowed to choose whether or not to have an abortion, but you should NOT be able to get a gun or carry a gun, or even make guns anymore, and oh, yeah, we should NO...

Enjoy my Original 10 RANTS. Sroll and laugh. Thanks. Rant Number One: Okay, I'm behind this dillweed in a pickup, going about 35 mph. He decides to turn right, so he just slows down all of the sudden and turns. Well I almost ran in to the back of him, so I honk. He stops in the lot he's just pulled in and turns to flip me off. Now, this guy was in the wrong and he's flipping me off as if I did something. That pisses me off! So I stopped and flipped him off too, and yelled. Then he got out of his truck and starts walking towards me, so I backed up and gassed it. By the time he realized what I was doing and headed back to his truck, it was too late. I ran his ass down, slamming him back against his truck. Then, I pulled away, satisfied, and continued on my way to my therapy appointment. Rant Number Two: The fight against drugs and prostitution. Now will someone please tell me why the government keeps spending money to fight these things instead of legaliz...

A Memory My mother woke us and led us to the car. We took the pajamas we were wearing and nothing else. We went back to sleep on the way to Grandma and Grandpa's. We didn't realize we had just lost all our toys and clothes and books. My brother and I were too young and tired to realize that my mother had finally been beaten enough. She was near death but she got us safely to Grandma's, then she went to the hospital. The next week, Grandpa drove us over in his station wagon to pick up some of our stuff. We were all silent for the 30-minute drive. Everything had already been said. Even my little brother sensed this was not time to jump around in the back seat or argue over how much of his seat was occupied by my hand. He sat quietly staring out the window. I watched my mother, her fingers lightly stroking the fresh bandage on her forehead as she stared through the floorboard. Finally, we were turning on to our street. I stared ahead as we drove slowly through the nei...