Rants from late 2000
September 2000
Tell me why in the world I just saw a Handicap Spot at Sonic? You pull in, stay in your car, the waitress comes out, brings your stuff. You never have to leave your seat. Isn't EVERY spot at Sonic a Handicap spot. Just wondering.
And speaking of Fast Food Joints, what's the deal with the condiments? They won't give you any ketchup unless you ask, I suppose so they can save money, but then when you DO ask, they give you like 27 packets. You have one medium load of fries, and they just gave you the total allotment for an hour's worth of customers. Not saving a lot there are they? And napkins? Come on! You have 5 people in the car, all of you with salt drenched fries and greasy burgers, and you dig through the bag, handing everyone their stuff and then at the bottom, what do you have? Two napkins. Hmmm, don't tell me these high school kids aren't learning any math skills.
August 2000
Why do I get a "Permanent Voter ID Card" in the mail every 6 months or so? It says, "permanent" right on the front. Am I missing something? Do I need to request a temporary card in order to get one that's laminated and that I can keep forever?
July 2000
The gas prices. The same people bitching about paying a buck eighty for a gallon of gas have no problem paying $4.00 for a beer at a ball game. Bitch about the fact that you have to pay $1.89 for 12 ounces of cola at McDonalds, when you can go buy your own 2 liter for a buck. You don't hear anyone figuring THAT out. And what about water? We pay $2.00 for a bottle of water at some sports event and water is FREE, all over the place just for the taking. Pick a stream. We pay $3.00 for a tub of popcorn at the movies, (a SMALL tub), and gas, a fuel, a precious fossil fuel, we can still get for LESS THAN TWO DOLLARS a gallon! And we bitch about that. We're crazy. Why do I even talk to people?
June 2000
I heard Bob Barker wants to get all the elephants removed from the circus. Bob says that a circus without elephants would be safer because elephants have been known to go on rampages and kill people. Hmmmmm, Bob, guess what? PEOPLE have been known to go on rampages and kill people, you dumbshit! Do we need to ban people from everywhere they may run in to other, oh, let's see, PEOPLE? How about a circus without people, huh? I like that. No smokers, no idiots talking in your ear, arguing over whether or not the bear on the unicycle is really a person in a suit. Yeah, now that's what we NEED. Come on, they have circuses forever, and maybe one percent of the elephants freak out, if even that, over all time, and yet he's pulling this. I could see if he just said, hey it's inhumane, you know? Be honest about it. Say, I don't like when we do that to elephants cause I like elephants and it's cruel, but NO, he pulls this damn safety issue thing out his ass like he's talking about exploding Ford Pinto's or something. Why? Cause he knows no one really cares if it kind of sucks to be an elephant in the circus. Well, hell, it kind of sucks to be Lou working down at the Gas and Sip, too, you know, and sometimes the boss is a bit cruel, so damn it, if Lou wants to relieve some stress by watching an elephant parade around in a dress once in a while, then let him, ok? Either that or we'll have to select random people from the audience to perform tricks, stand on one leg, blow peanut shells out their noses - stuff like that. And who would be the first? Hey Bob Barker, come on DOWN...
April 2000
Saw a bumper sticker today. "Ask me about Jesus." What happened to the grandkids, and the honor students? I sort of think Jesus gets enough publicity on his own, he has a pretty good team of publicists, does he really need Edna in her 1979 Olds spending her social security money on a bumper sticker? I mean, HE should at least give those things out for FREE! That's just like people buying shirts that say NIKE, or hats that say Old Navy. YOU are paying some big business to let you advertise for them! What a sweet deal that is, huh? Anyway, Edna, just go back to having me ask about your grandkids; I'm sure whatever they did today will be a lot cuter than whatever encounter you had with the son of God, and in fact, if you CAN tell me some little anecdote about something you saw Jesus do today, or try to show me some snapshots you took of him at the Zoo, well, I'm gonna get a little scared.
Tell me why in the world I just saw a Handicap Spot at Sonic? You pull in, stay in your car, the waitress comes out, brings your stuff. You never have to leave your seat. Isn't EVERY spot at Sonic a Handicap spot. Just wondering.
And speaking of Fast Food Joints, what's the deal with the condiments? They won't give you any ketchup unless you ask, I suppose so they can save money, but then when you DO ask, they give you like 27 packets. You have one medium load of fries, and they just gave you the total allotment for an hour's worth of customers. Not saving a lot there are they? And napkins? Come on! You have 5 people in the car, all of you with salt drenched fries and greasy burgers, and you dig through the bag, handing everyone their stuff and then at the bottom, what do you have? Two napkins. Hmmm, don't tell me these high school kids aren't learning any math skills.
August 2000
Why do I get a "Permanent Voter ID Card" in the mail every 6 months or so? It says, "permanent" right on the front. Am I missing something? Do I need to request a temporary card in order to get one that's laminated and that I can keep forever?
July 2000
The gas prices. The same people bitching about paying a buck eighty for a gallon of gas have no problem paying $4.00 for a beer at a ball game. Bitch about the fact that you have to pay $1.89 for 12 ounces of cola at McDonalds, when you can go buy your own 2 liter for a buck. You don't hear anyone figuring THAT out. And what about water? We pay $2.00 for a bottle of water at some sports event and water is FREE, all over the place just for the taking. Pick a stream. We pay $3.00 for a tub of popcorn at the movies, (a SMALL tub), and gas, a fuel, a precious fossil fuel, we can still get for LESS THAN TWO DOLLARS a gallon! And we bitch about that. We're crazy. Why do I even talk to people?
June 2000
I heard Bob Barker wants to get all the elephants removed from the circus. Bob says that a circus without elephants would be safer because elephants have been known to go on rampages and kill people. Hmmmmm, Bob, guess what? PEOPLE have been known to go on rampages and kill people, you dumbshit! Do we need to ban people from everywhere they may run in to other, oh, let's see, PEOPLE? How about a circus without people, huh? I like that. No smokers, no idiots talking in your ear, arguing over whether or not the bear on the unicycle is really a person in a suit. Yeah, now that's what we NEED. Come on, they have circuses forever, and maybe one percent of the elephants freak out, if even that, over all time, and yet he's pulling this. I could see if he just said, hey it's inhumane, you know? Be honest about it. Say, I don't like when we do that to elephants cause I like elephants and it's cruel, but NO, he pulls this damn safety issue thing out his ass like he's talking about exploding Ford Pinto's or something. Why? Cause he knows no one really cares if it kind of sucks to be an elephant in the circus. Well, hell, it kind of sucks to be Lou working down at the Gas and Sip, too, you know, and sometimes the boss is a bit cruel, so damn it, if Lou wants to relieve some stress by watching an elephant parade around in a dress once in a while, then let him, ok? Either that or we'll have to select random people from the audience to perform tricks, stand on one leg, blow peanut shells out their noses - stuff like that. And who would be the first? Hey Bob Barker, come on DOWN...
April 2000
Saw a bumper sticker today. "Ask me about Jesus." What happened to the grandkids, and the honor students? I sort of think Jesus gets enough publicity on his own, he has a pretty good team of publicists, does he really need Edna in her 1979 Olds spending her social security money on a bumper sticker? I mean, HE should at least give those things out for FREE! That's just like people buying shirts that say NIKE, or hats that say Old Navy. YOU are paying some big business to let you advertise for them! What a sweet deal that is, huh? Anyway, Edna, just go back to having me ask about your grandkids; I'm sure whatever they did today will be a lot cuter than whatever encounter you had with the son of God, and in fact, if you CAN tell me some little anecdote about something you saw Jesus do today, or try to show me some snapshots you took of him at the Zoo, well, I'm gonna get a little scared.