New Hardware Store Column From 2001
4-14-01
Well, last weekend we went out to the big Lowe's Hardware store at 291 and 40 Hiway in Independence. It was the first Saturday they were open. Can't resist. The place was packed. People with trucks were parking over in the grass. What is it about new stores opening that seem like an old time small town church revival? Is this what we've come to in Suburbia? Instead of being drawn to a fire and brimstone, charm-filled, fancy dressed preacher screaming about "Gaahawed and Jeeesuhs" and everlasting light, we are now beckoned by sparkling new roto-tillers and wallpaper and pear trees and toilets and ceiling fans and tools, my word, the tools. Everyone knows you only need three tools. A hammer, a saw and a screwdriver. That's it. Everything else is just a fancier way of hammering or sawing or screwdriving. Think about it. By all accounts a Hardware store should be about the size of a large living room. The three tools, some plumbing accessories, a paint brush, and well, actually that's about it. Maybe the size of a child's bedroom. But here we are in this mammoth structure, large enough to house 3 jumbo jets, and once inside you can purchase anything from a bottle of Window cleaner or a roll of tape, to a $5000 Hot Tub or a new tractor. (A tractor? Who needs a tractor in Independence Missouri? And why in the world would you buy it at the Hardware store anyway? Don't they have tractor dealers for you farm people?)
And everyone has to go. Maybe it's the little red and yellow triangular flags they drape all over the place, like little banners disguised to make you think there's a carnival tent nearby and maybe some cotton candy. Can't resist. Even as we pulled up and saw the crowd, it was like, well, we're here, drove all the way from Blue Springs, took us ten minutes, might as well go in. Once inside it wasn't as bad since everyone was spread out a bit. We saw several people we knew. They, like us, were just looking around. On a Saturday night. In a Hardware store. I did end up making a purchase. Spent $3.97 on one of those garden hose sprayers. Mine has been leaking lately and this one has something like 459 different settings. I guess I can either lightly mist some fragile plants or blow the bark off my Oak trees, and everything in between. That's gotta come in handy, don't you think?
A little girl's soccer team was selling hot dogs, chips and a coke for two bucks from the back of a van. Pretty damn good hot dog also. Don't ask me where they were cooking them or how they kept them warm, and the chips were in little plastic sandwich bags, but hey, it was two bucks, man. Can't resist. Of course, you had to put up with 9 year old girls screaming "HOT DOGS" at the top of their lungs right in your ear as you stood in line, but you know, who doesn't love that?
So anyway, today was their actual Grand Opening and they had the Chiefs mascot, KC WOLF, dancing around, and some guy carving statues with a chainsaw, and demonstrations on everything from tiling your bathroom to building a small amusement park in your backyard. Yeah, we went again. Actually, I needed lumber since I am replacing some boards around some of my windows, but I very easily could have gone to Payless, or Home Depot or Westlake. NO, I had to go to Lowe's, with the crowd, and the noise and the full parking lot, and the hot dogs, and KC WOLF. Can't resist.
Well, last weekend we went out to the big Lowe's Hardware store at 291 and 40 Hiway in Independence. It was the first Saturday they were open. Can't resist. The place was packed. People with trucks were parking over in the grass. What is it about new stores opening that seem like an old time small town church revival? Is this what we've come to in Suburbia? Instead of being drawn to a fire and brimstone, charm-filled, fancy dressed preacher screaming about "Gaahawed and Jeeesuhs" and everlasting light, we are now beckoned by sparkling new roto-tillers and wallpaper and pear trees and toilets and ceiling fans and tools, my word, the tools. Everyone knows you only need three tools. A hammer, a saw and a screwdriver. That's it. Everything else is just a fancier way of hammering or sawing or screwdriving. Think about it. By all accounts a Hardware store should be about the size of a large living room. The three tools, some plumbing accessories, a paint brush, and well, actually that's about it. Maybe the size of a child's bedroom. But here we are in this mammoth structure, large enough to house 3 jumbo jets, and once inside you can purchase anything from a bottle of Window cleaner or a roll of tape, to a $5000 Hot Tub or a new tractor. (A tractor? Who needs a tractor in Independence Missouri? And why in the world would you buy it at the Hardware store anyway? Don't they have tractor dealers for you farm people?)
And everyone has to go. Maybe it's the little red and yellow triangular flags they drape all over the place, like little banners disguised to make you think there's a carnival tent nearby and maybe some cotton candy. Can't resist. Even as we pulled up and saw the crowd, it was like, well, we're here, drove all the way from Blue Springs, took us ten minutes, might as well go in. Once inside it wasn't as bad since everyone was spread out a bit. We saw several people we knew. They, like us, were just looking around. On a Saturday night. In a Hardware store. I did end up making a purchase. Spent $3.97 on one of those garden hose sprayers. Mine has been leaking lately and this one has something like 459 different settings. I guess I can either lightly mist some fragile plants or blow the bark off my Oak trees, and everything in between. That's gotta come in handy, don't you think?
A little girl's soccer team was selling hot dogs, chips and a coke for two bucks from the back of a van. Pretty damn good hot dog also. Don't ask me where they were cooking them or how they kept them warm, and the chips were in little plastic sandwich bags, but hey, it was two bucks, man. Can't resist. Of course, you had to put up with 9 year old girls screaming "HOT DOGS" at the top of their lungs right in your ear as you stood in line, but you know, who doesn't love that?
So anyway, today was their actual Grand Opening and they had the Chiefs mascot, KC WOLF, dancing around, and some guy carving statues with a chainsaw, and demonstrations on everything from tiling your bathroom to building a small amusement park in your backyard. Yeah, we went again. Actually, I needed lumber since I am replacing some boards around some of my windows, but I very easily could have gone to Payless, or Home Depot or Westlake. NO, I had to go to Lowe's, with the crowd, and the noise and the full parking lot, and the hot dogs, and KC WOLF. Can't resist.